blindsight.

Currently Listening: Ryan Cabrera - Blindsight

As I sit before my computer this evening, my emotions are surreal. I can't seem to write anymore, vague notions, whimsical whims and faint ideas don't seem to come to me anymore. I can sense a emotion filled post coming as I am typing frantically. Somehow, there's a strong form of contradiction that exists within me at the moment, part of me is overjoyed, filled with ecstasy; yet a part of me longs for something intangible, something that I myself do not know.

Ecstasy has filled my soul for the past few weeks, but somehow today I woke up feeling different. My intuition seems to fill my head with doubts that cannot be explained, doubts that cannot be put into words; I can't explain what I'm feeling right now - complicated. Intricacy once again unveils itself in me, complicating whatever that has already been simplified. Emotions aren't exactly stable at the present moment, intuition tells me to not push on, yet emotions continue to grow strong.

I can't seem to express myself with words, there's this insatiable feeling within that stirs me up, I feel like screaming. The throbbing in my cranial enclosure tells me that it's not worth putting myself through such a pain. I know that I'm not perfect, yet I strive so much for perfection. Perfection within myself and those who are around me. They say ignoranace is bliss, but to me I feel that Ignorance pains the soul, they damage those who stand around you.

I'm not supposed to feel like this, it's not a feeling that I desire, yet I find myself in this dilemma and this predicament. I can't seem to get this feeling out of my system, no matter how hard I try, it keeps coming back. The physical affection and presence of the other takes away these doubts and these remorseless thoughts of insecurity. Everything seems to go away at the sight of those beautiful eyes, I get lost in them and that's all I want to right now.

Is someone trying to tell me something through this notion of mine? Am I not prepared to handle things such as these? Am I not mature enough for something of this magnitude? I don't know. All I know is that my emotions have made so lost that I can barely find my way back into reality. Why is it when there's a tangibility and physical apperance, those fears, doubts and insecurities seem to fo away? Why is that so? Yet when we're apart, I feel different.

I can't continue typing out this post, as eager as I am to continue blogging, I best not let my feelings translate into words on the screen. A promise that I will be back in the blogging world as soon as I find my inspiration again; a thousand apologies for the intense lack of updates.

Signing Off,
Aaron WM Lim

compelled to blog?

Currently Listening: FFH - The First Noel

Dear readers, it's been an awfully long time since I last left my marks upon this empty canvas of mine. My sincerest apologies for the lack of updates, due to personal scheduled activities and other unforeseen circumstances. Before any ado, let me 1st wish all of you readers a very very very very belated Christmas, I know that this is a rather ergodic post, and has no relation to the post title, but words don't seem to be coming into my head.

The compulsion to blog was induced upon me by a certain someone called Ms. GF. Well, I'm finding it hard to put these notions of mine into words, but it seems that my mind no longer churns out lyrical poetry or picturesque desciptions of emotions or events. Before I leave this blog once again, a promise that there will be a post within the next few days, I do have a few vague notions and whimsical whims that need to be pondered upon before turning them into a lyrical entry.

Signing Off,
Aaron WM Lim

over.

Currently Listening: James Morrison - You Give Me Something

Finally, after 6 gruelling and brain sapping weeks, my 2nd semester in college is over, finals are over and there will be no distractions of academic origin for thr next 2 months. I'm glad that it's all over, it's time to sit back and relax, enjoy the company of friends, loved ones and so on. =) I guess i'll be blogging more regularly from now on, but I'm not exactly in the mood to blog now. Being awake for more than 36 hours now, I think I really need sleep =)

signing off,
Aaron WM Lim

dysfunctional.

Currently Listening: ATB - Tristan Da Cunha

Well, it's been a while since I last left my ink on this empty canvas of mine, but even as I sit infront of my notebook at this hour, my mind is blank. Could it be due to the intensity of ecstatic emotions and pure bliss that has taken place these past few days, or is it the stress, pressure and instability of the mindset that has been plagued repeatedly throughout the last week and the 3 weeks that is to come? I can't answer any of those, but I know that I really need to sleep, sleep has become excruciating, painful and afflictive.

Till my last paper on the 2nd of December, expect no proper blog posts in this blog. Even if there are any postings, I believe they will be of rants, inequity, fatigue, lethargy and many more adjectives that would describe how a student would feel whilst going through his finals. Postings of derisory thoughts, whimsical whims and vague notions would most likely be what I'll be writing here for the next few weeks.

I do apologize if this is irksome or inconvenient, but I do assure you that I would return to the blogosphere once my last paper is over.


Signing Off,
Aaron WM Lim

sleepless nights.

Currently Listening: Jars of Clay - God Will Lift Up Your Head

Today, I've finally come to realize the real meaning of not wanting to lose out, or in other words KIASU-ism. The intensity of emotions when I received the results for my taxation paper was overwhelming. I expected a clear pass and competency, but I failed 2 questions; which constitutes a resit next tuesday. I was utterly bewildered, I couldn't bear seeing 7 marks fly away just because of a missing sentence. I fought, I agitated, I contended, but I FAILED. I guess we learn from our mistakes, never have I felt such an overwhelming feeling of discontent, hatred and detest.

My mind's blank from a few sleepless nights, this has got to be the most brain sapping week in the history of studying in TAFE. 4 exams in a week is just pure insanity, what's worse is every paper that we are examed on is based on the competency system; which makes it a bitch to pass many at times. As I sit here in front of my notebook, my mind has reached it's limit, a major dysfunction has occured and I've got my Moral Education Final paper tomorrow. Should I continue studying or take a 4 hour sleep and resume after that? I think i'll do the latter, every minute being awake is pure agony and excruciation.

I can barely blog these thoughts of mine, my mind's in a state of bewilderment due to lack of sleep, intricate as it's always been, I feel simplicity creeping up from the shadows, enclosing this intricate mind of mine, converting it into one of simpler means. goodnight.

Signing Off,
Aaron WM Lim

Happy Birthday Kelvin Lim

Currently Listening: sound of the ceiling fan's blades swooshing through the air

Happy Birthday Kelvin, the best cousin in the world, it's your day today, though at times you can be a pain in the arse, but nonetheless you're still a great friend, and cousin. Thank you for all those times you fetched me around and the many more to come; your hospitality and accomodation throughout my college years. Though you;re 18 now, bear in mind that age is only a factor, and there's still a lot of other factors that constitutes one as mature. Have a great one this year, and may God bless you always, and all your future undertakings.

Happy 18th Birthday =)

Pictures of the Day:

The Birthday Cake

The Birthday Cake with Candles


A very shocked and touched Birthday Boy

The Birthday Boy With cream over the face

emo posts?

Currently Listening: The Scripts - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

Recently, a friend told me that my blog is being filled with emo posts lately? Emo or not isn't the exact issue over here, I believe what you should have asked me is what my thoughts are evolving into. The mingling of these thoughts, added with the intense adrenalin rush and the complexity of human emotions have led me to blog such entries destitue of logic.

I've come to realize that my writing ability has deteriorated in the past few months, my posts have become simple and uncomplicated. Though these thoughts of mine seem to translate out as null emotions on your computer screens, I still find that the way these notions translate into such surreal emotions incomprehensible.

My mind has become simpler in the past few months, the total opposite of what's going on in my mind right now. But I've come to realize that I've changed, from the complex person I was, I've become a simpleton. I've become feeble minded in many ways, I'm lacking the intricacy I once possessed. Emo? Nothing close to demented, unhinged or ditzy. It's just that I can't stand the simplicity that lives within me at the moment, I miss the fact that I used to be a rather intricate person. But being simple has it's positive points, it leads me to become less stressed and being more open minded with everyday issues being confronted by every 18 year old teenager.

To that friend who said that my posts are becoming much more emo in the past few entries, I hope that you understand this is just a temporal setback, and I hope to regain composure and control over my emotions and thoughts as soon as possible. I'm not positing that being simple is a major setback or bad sign, but I just enjoy being intricate, complex and composite.

Signing Off,
Aaron WM Lim

butterfly award.

Currently Listening: Boys Like Girls - Thunder

I'm 2 days away from my first finals, yet I'm here, typing this post out dementedly and frantically, and so I'm nominated by CarrMen for the butterfly award, (thank you very much Carr Men).




For those who decide to accept this award, I would appreciate it if you could do the following:
1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. Nominate 10 other blogs.
4. Add links to those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.
_________________________________________

I've been nominated by :

CarrMen - He is pretty well versed with words and it is as though his feelings translates on the computer screen.

I nominate:

1. Su Yang - He's writing ability is just incomprehensible, it's hard to understand what he wants to pass on at times, but I envy his writing style and the way he seems to make a small thing seem like one of great statutes. The way he describes things with his wide vocab of adjectives is just baffling.

2. Mei Hsuan - Her blog is rather entertaining, her vivid blog posts on everyday life and her perspectives of daily activities are put in ways that I myself can't comprehend at times, and the constant usage of expletives on her blog. *sorry druglordie*

3. Mei Lin - Her insightful writing and style of blogging of everyday issues seem to be captivating, her compassion for the needy and her disfavour to those who step on her toes are straightforward, making her blog one of the easiest to understand.

4. Priscilla - Prissy, she is one of those few bloggers who actually use formal english instead of plain old colloquial english. The way she depicts everyday issues and her insights and outlooks on life seems to captivate me everytime I read her blog.

5. Lemuel - Lemuel's a very old friend of mine, ever since I've known him, he's always depicted his thoughts in ways that can't exactly be comprehended by feeble minds. He's got tons of pictures on his blog, and sometimes, a tad too much of writing, but nonetheless, he's blog is one of the places I can enjoy.

6. JoAnn - This sweet looking, cheerful and bubbly girl should not be mistaken for her outlook, her style of blogging is unique, and I enjoy the way she writes about current social issues and her everyday life.

7. Dennis - This guy over here, is none other than my "father", he's blog is nothing but entertaining, always updated with his self-made videos and his fun-filled everyday life. I find my happiness whenever I check out his blog.

8. Adelene - Sweet Conceited Sins, as her blog title states it all, her blog is just yet another awesome place to be in, filled with ergodicity and random notions, her everyday life, rants and stories, yet another awesome blog to spend time reading.

9. Nikki - Malicious Minds, exactly what her blog is, her writing on unequality and unfairness is motivating, it motivates one to move on for the better, her rants on any possible thing that gets in her way leaves one marvelled. Yet, through all of that ranting, there's always posts on her daily life and occasionally updates on good eateries.

10. PeiYing - Her simplicity in blogging and her random dedications someone lead me to her blog daily, just to see what's going on with her, and what's new with her life. Yet another simple yet delightful blog to read, be it in times of sadness or happiness.

11. Hui Hui - Yet another simple blogger, who speaks her mind through blog posts. Random updates that are uncoerces and comes from her heart. Every post she pens is a true reflection of what she feels or is going through, a blog worthy to be checked out and read daily.

12. CarrMen - The person who nominated me. Her blog is unique, she's a person into dragons, a very well equipped person as I know. Her blog ranges from everyday events to current issues and sometimes to a good book review. A blog definitely worth checking out if you're in the mood for entertainment and a good book review occasionally

relentless thoughts.

Currently Listening: Boys Like Girls - Thunder

The song Thunder plays in the background as I sit in my room, pondering on the events that occured within the past few days. I sit here, baffled and bewildered with the complexity of human relationships. It all seems so simple, yet so hard; we say that we understand what it means to be truly in love, yet we contradict ourselves many at times. When we're in love, we're lifted into the air, nothing else around us seems to matter anymore, we're light-headed, we ignore those around us; yet when we fall, we fall hard, and everything else seems to matter. The rush of adrenalin through our veins push us to go on no matter what, but no matter how hard we try at times, we fail. That's life, it isn't a bed of roses, neither is it a fairytale; when reality hits you in the face, it hits you hard.

I'm not sure if you read my blog, but if you do, I guess this is dedicated to you.

Relentless Thoughts
I may not be a great poet,
One that churns our lyrical rhymes;
Scribbling the words of his thoughts,
Turning them into a melody over time,

Days have gone, time has passed,
They say time heals, but to me, time kills;
Each passing day, I settle in dismay,
Sitting by the window, all I see is your shadow,

The thoughts of you,
Your smile, Your laugh,
Your voice, Your touch,
Your care, Your alluring presence;
Everything about you,
Lingers around me,

Perplexed, bewildered,
Baffled, befuddled;
Relentless thoughts of you,
Plague me this very day,

Your voice, as sweet as the angel's,
Your touch, as soft as the daffodils;
Your care, confines me like a warm blanket,
Your smile, shining as a light in the dark,
Your everything, makes you who you are,

I need not be a scholar,
Nor a distinguished person;
To realize how much scathe I've caused,
To someone like you,

Illusions, vague notions, whimsy whims,
All that I see is uncertainty;
Though we've been through it all,
I just can't let it all fall,

What we had, what we could have,
Is just a picturesque image of illusions,
Covered by the reality we unfave,
Hiding behind a mask of pretensions,

If I've hurt you in uncomprehensible ways,
Hurts that last to this very day,
I'm sorry that it has to end this way,
I guess I'm only a fay,

There's nothing much to be written,
These thoughts of mine seem stricken,
Delirum besets my serenity,
Tranquility seems like a distant reality,

Through it all
You'll always have me,
Be it rise or fall,
And for all the things I've said or done,
The hurts that couldn't be undone,
I'm SORRY.

Aaron WM Lim

cerebrum, cerebellum and medulla dysfunction.

Currently Listening: Chris Tomlin - Holy Is The Lord

I've been trying to blog and entry in the past few minutes, but it seems to me that everytime I type a phrase or sentence, I seem to hit the "delete" key. I'm hitting the delete key more than I'm blogging. Could it be due to the brain sapping week that has just gone by, or am I being plagued by another phase of ergodicity and mental weariness? Before any deductions that I'm emo is made, let me make it clear that I am no where near emo or sad or baffled. There are moments when I think too much, and there are times when I just feel empty. A vacuous space, surrounder by empty thoughts and vague images. Picturesque images that seem so real, but is only surreal; these simple yet intricate images have formed a mental block in my mind, a delusion even I myself couldn't understand. A week from today, my finals will start, time flies and no one really realizes. Each day I ponder on what is to come for the future, but pondering doesn't bring anyone to achieve a goal, it's a waste of time. Time that could be used to do something productive, time that can be used to increase the knowledge of an individual. Yet, here I am, pondering on the intricacies of life, the uncertainty of the future and the precariousness of tomorrow. I need sleep, I need motivation, I need perseverance and tenacity.

Signing Off,
Aaron WM Lim